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Weight Loss / Dieting / Healthy Eating

After I lose 25 pounds, I\'m rewarding myself with a new apartment. When the weight comes back, it won\'t know where to find me.
After gobbling everything in sight for 30 years, Pac-Man has been diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease.
Snow White is the fairest in the land, but she runs 25 miles a week, spends hours in the gym and eats nothing but rice cakes and salad!
My class reunion is next week and I need to lose 25 pounds. Hold the pepperoni.
I knew I was in trouble when I made a list of my best friends and four of them were foods.
I was on the Titanic Diet. Ate nothing but iceberg lettuce until I crashed and sank.
I'm surprised we gained weight over the holidays. You'd think family bickering would burn a lot of calories!
Many people gain weight during the holidays. Unfortunately, the calendar says there are 58 holidays a year
No, we can't help you get a song out of your head.
The quickest way to lose your belly? Disguise it as airline luggage.
Send the emergency rescue squad and bring the Jaws of Life –– my wife is trapped in her skinny jeans!
Our diet spaghetti is exactly the same as our regular spaghetti, except you plant, cultivate, harvest and grind your own wheat.
I'm on the Dr. Seuss Diet. I'm only allowed to eat food that rhymes.
On this diet, you can eat all the steak you want, but a slice of bread will kill you. On this other diet, you can eat all the bread you want, but a steak will kill you.
Fast food is a dieter's worst enemy...but my mother taught me to love my enemies!
Diet pizza is the same as regular pizza, but you have them deliver it to the wrong address.
I'm 40 pounds overweight, but according to the marriage laws of our state, half of it belongs to you!
If heat makes objects expand, then I'm not overweight –– I'm just a victim of global warming
Sticking to my diet is hard work. I can't do it on an empty stomach!
Aspirin is good for your heart. If you dissolve it on your tongue, it ruins the taste of pizza.
As long as I'm cheating on my diet, I'll have a porterhouse stea, baked potato and a big slice of cheesecake in my Martini instead of an olive.

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