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Weight Loss / Dieting / Healthy Eating

If my workout burns 2500 calories a day and I reduce my food intake by 2500 calories a day, in just one week, I'll be thin enough to be carried off in a size six straight jacket.
I finally found a diet I can live with. Anything dipped in green food coloring counts as a salad!
There's a thin person inside me, screaming to get out. Can you prescribe something to sedate her so I can hear my TV programs?
When I'm dieting, my doctor says it's OK to cheat once a week. I'm going out with your friend Larry tonight.
I blame my weight on bad genetics. I was born with a mouth and a stomach.
I set my fitness band every morning when I get to work. My trip to Hell and back every day is 1,397 steps.
On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I lift weights for 2 hours. On Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, I run 10 miles. On Sunday, I use yoga to kick myself in the head for overdoing it again.
I'm on the Copycat Diet. I follow my doctor to lunch and order whatever he's having!
There was a time when I had to actually EAT the chocolate before it went straight to my hips!
Warning: The following program contains 17 food commercials. Dieters are strongly advised to turn off the TV and go for a walk.
One diet doctor told me to eat more fruit, nuts and grains. Another told me to eat more meat, fish and cheese. Long story short, I gained 40 pounds!
A recent study reveals that the human race is simply evolving into a larger species. Feel free to eat anything you want.
The 4 basic food groups are things my doctor won't let me eat, things my wife won't let me eat, things my heartburn won't let me eat and things my teeth won't let me eat.
I'm prescribing exercise. Think of it as a stress pill that takes 30 minutes to swallow.
I got a speeding ticket on my way to work. I was driving under the influence of bran.
Cholesterol is good for you. It blocks your arteries, making it more difficult for germs and viruses to reach your vital organs.
If you\'re looking for something healthy, the menu is gluten free and printed with soy ink.
I try to eat healthy. I never sprinkle salt on ice cream, I only eat decaffeinated pizza and my beer is 100% fat free.
I bought this to help you with your diet. It's a compass that always points to lettuce!
If I eat one piece of cake instead of two pieces of pie, I can save 800 calories. Finally, a diet I can live with!
I feel weird about attending my class reunion. There are 40 pounds of me that never went to that school!

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