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Health Insurance / HMO

If you are not completely satisfied with your health insurance, your illness will be cheerfully refunded.
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Your health insurance doesn't pay for heartburn. You need fire insurance for that.

You're right, $500 for an aspirin is outrageous. It's supposed to be $5,000!
We've updated our healthcare plan. If you get sick, we'll send you a Get Well card. If the card doesn't make you feel better, you can sue the card company to pay for your hospital bills.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you're feeling and take a look at your rash.

Please don't pray for healing. If it works, your insurance won't know who to reimburse and it messes up our accounting system.
You can get a discount on company health insurance if you let your coworkers diagnose you with information they find on the Internet.
If you are not 100% satisfied with your surgery, the defective organ will be cheerfully refunded.

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