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Health Insurance / HMO

If you are not completely satisfied with your health insurance, your illness will be cheerfully refunded.
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Your health insurance doesn't pay for heartburn. You need fire insurance for that.

You're right, $500 for an aspirin is outrageous. It's supposed to be $5,000!
We've updated our healthcare plan. If you get sick, we'll send you a Get Well card. If the card doesn't make you feel better, you can sue the card company to pay for your hospital bills.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you're feeling and take a look at your rash.

Please don't pray for healing. If it works, your insurance won't know who to reimburse and it messes up our accounting system.
You can get a discount on company health insurance if you let your coworkers diagnose you with information they find on the Internet.
If you are not 100% satisfied with your surgery, the defective organ will be cheerfully refunded.

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This Week’s Cartoons

If at first you don't succeed, eat something then take a nap. Muffin Jackson set a new world's record today, jumping from the floor to the table to the counter to the top of the refrigerator in just 7.3 seconds. Congratulations, Muffin! I'm looking for a compression program that will help me fit a Rottweiler into a Federal Express envelope. First I whimper, then I show them my big, brown, sad eyes. It works every time. My presentation lacks power and has no point. I assumed the software would take care of that! I've got 8 hours invested in this bad mood and I'm not giving up that easily! I have a big pile of mice and birds saved under the porch. I need to rool them over into an IRA.

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