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Doctors

Two hours in our waiting room with a bunch of coughing people and screaming children. That was your stress test.
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I recommend hip replacement surgery for older men who aren't as hip as they used to be.
I'm afraid that surgery is the only option. Some of your freckle patterns are politically incorrect.

I'm ordering a transfusion. We'll replace your B-negative blood with B-positive and see if that improves your mood.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you're feeling and take a look at your rash.
Your new pacemaker comes with Pandora so you can always have a song in your heart.

Can you prescribed marijuana to help relieve the boredom of sitting in your waiting room?
Please don't pray for healing. If it works, your insurance won't know who to reimburse and it messes up our accounting system.
Everyone knows food is bad for you, but I don't know what else to eat!

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This Week’s Cartoons

Let's compromise. You do everything I say and I'll say everything you do. I love you so much, it hurts. That's a nice way of saying, you're giving me a headache. Crashing is an expression of hostility against your network administrator. Though you appear to be uncooperative, it's actually a desperate cry for help. My office has initiated a zero-telerance weapons policy. I was fired for having a sharp mind. codo31-1 I hate tofu sandwiches and celery smoothies, but they're the only thing my coworkers won't steal from the break room fridge! I had to quit drinking coffee. It keeps me awake during presentations.

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