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Doctors

When your cold heart crosses with your hot temper creates a storm front and severe weather conditions.
Have a stuffy nose? Lose some weight. Sore finger? Lose some weight. Chapped lips? Lose some weight. That's pretty much my cure for everything.
You can still enjoy a cocktail before dinner. Have you ever tried a fish oil martini?

I'm the doctor who brings the cards. I'm a cardiologist.
Two hours in our waiting room with a bunch of coughing people and screaming children. That was your stress test.
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I recommend hip replacement surgery for older men who aren't as hip as they used to be.

I'm afraid that surgery is the only option. Some of your freckle patterns are politically incorrect.
I'm ordering a transfusion. We'll replace your B-negative blood with B-positive and see if that improves your mood.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you're feeling and take a look at your rash.

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This Week’s Cartoons

In my office we celebrate innovation, we celebrate individuality, we celebrate excellence, and we celebrate idealism. Any excuse to party! Take one pill as needed for stress. Throw it over your cubicle and bounce it off the head of an annoying coworker. Cholesterol is a good thing. It helps your arteries from collapsing when you've got the weight of the world coming down on you! They found out what's wrong with my computer.The spell-checker is suffering from exhaustion." Technology Care for some freshly-ground antidepressants in your coffee? I'll probably spend my whole life following orders from somebody. Instead of college, maybe you should send me to Obedience School. We sat in a circle, we had a story, we sang some dopey songs. Is any of this going to look good on a resume?

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