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Doctors

Have a stuffy nose? Lose some weight. Sore finger? Lose some weight. Chapped lips? Lose some weight. That's pretty much my cure for everything.
You can still enjoy a cocktail before dinner. Have you ever tried a fish oil martini?
I'm the doctor who brings the cards. I'm a cardiologist.

Two hours in our waiting room with a bunch of coughing people and screaming children. That was your stress test.
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I recommend hip replacement surgery for older men who aren't as hip as they used to be.
I'm afraid that surgery is the only option. Some of your freckle patterns are politically incorrect.

I'm ordering a transfusion. We'll replace your B-negative blood with B-positive and see if that improves your mood.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you're feeling and take a look at your rash.
Your new pacemaker comes with Pandora so you can always have a song in your heart.

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This Week’s Cartoons

How much would it cost to add God to our board of directors? Your pacemaker has plastic parts that can melt, so don't watch any heart-warming movies. Until we figure out why our computer is paying you sixty million dollars a week, I'll expect you to put in some overtime to justify the expenditure. Mr. Milton Bludklott, a very dedicated Biology teacher, has been dissected 237 times. Let's make a deal - If you don't join the cigar trend, I won't join the thong bikini trend! I hate to spoil your vacation, but it's time to start wearing the kind of trunks your dad wore. When the doctor told you to eat more fish, what he meant was eat fish more often.

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