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Cardiology

Plant sterols are good for your cholesterol. That's why vegetables don't have heart attacks.

Keep Christmas in your heart all year. The rhythm of 'Jingle Bells' is a perfect 72 beats per minute!

Chasing a dollar may not count as cardio, but it's better than doing nothing!

Let me know when I get healthy, so I can stop eating vegetables.

Bicycling is a great way to lose weight. Swallowing bugs for an hour will spoil your appetite.

The nutrition label just says, Worse than lettuce, better than pizza.

Running is bad for my knees. Not running is bad for everything else!

It's normal for a man your age to have chest pains when he drips hot, melted cheese on his shirt.

If you can finish the entire 60-ounce steak, we'll put your name on a special plaque next to the defibrillator.

As far as I know, I'm eating healthy at work. I get Vitamin C from coffee, Vitamin B from brownies and Vitamin D from doughnuts.

Your pacemaker has plastic parts that can melt, so don't watch any heart-warming movies.

When the doctor told you to eat more fish, what he meant was eat fish more often.

Whenever your cholesterol goes too high, a sensor will send a signal that automatically locks the kitchen door and turns on your treadmill.

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Neat Document-Randy Glasbergen, P.O. Box 797, Sherburne, N.Y. 13460. Phone: 607-316-4707. E-MAIL: randy©glasbergen.com Sports

The good news is, you have the heart of a teenager. The bad news is, most teenagers these days have the heart of an old man.

My fitness watch counts my steps, calories, heart beats, reps and excuses.

I'm supposed to to eat kale for smoother skin, turkey for stronger nails, fish for thinner thighs, oats for cardiovascular benefits, cabbage for leaner abdominals, salmon for softer hair, beets for a healthier colon, steak for muscle tone, blueberries for lower cholesterol, pasta for greater endurance, cheese for younger teeth and bones....

Your new pacemaker comes with Pandora so you can always have a song in your heart.

I recommend golfing to all of my patients. Tantrums give you an excellent cardio workout!

It's not easy fitting 60 minutes of exercise into my busy schedule. Today I took 360 ten-second walks.

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