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Cardiology

Your pacemaker has plastic parts that can melt, so don't watch any heart-warming movies.
When the doctor told you to eat more fish, what he meant was eat fish more often.
Whenever your cholesterol goes too high, a sensor will send a signal that automatically locks the kitchen door and turns on your treadmill.

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Neat Document-Randy Glasbergen, P.O. Box 797, Sherburne, N.Y. 13460. Phone: 607-316-4707. E-MAIL: randy©glasbergen.com Sports
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My fitness watch counts my steps, calories, heart beats, reps and excuses.
I'm supposed to to eat kale for smoother skin, turkey for stronger nails, fish for thinner thighs, oats for cardiovascular benefits, cabbage for leaner abdominals, salmon for softer hair, beets for a healthier colon, steak for muscle tone, blueberries for lower cholesterol, pasta for greater endurance, cheese for younger teeth and bones....
Your new pacemaker comes with Pandora so you can always have a song in your heart.

I recommend golfing to all of my patients. Tantrums give you an excellent cardio workout!
It's not easy fitting 60 minutes of exercise into my busy schedule. Today I took 360 ten-second walks.
If they can make healthy electronic cigarettes, why can't they make healthy electronic pizza?

I'd like you to eat more fruit and vegetables, but they're not covered by your health insurance plan.
Good news –– they just developed an artificial heart that runs on cholesterol.
What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

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This Week’s Cartoons

In my office we celebrate innovation, we celebrate individuality, we celebrate excellence, and we celebrate idealism. Any excuse to party! Take one pill as needed for stress. Throw it over your cubicle and bounce it off the head of an annoying coworker. Cholesterol is a good thing. It helps your arteries from collapsing when you've got the weight of the world coming down on you! They found out what's wrong with my computer.The spell-checker is suffering from exhaustion." Technology Care for some freshly-ground antidepressants in your coffee? I'll probably spend my whole life following orders from somebody. Instead of college, maybe you should send me to Obedience School. We sat in a circle, we had a story, we sang some dopey songs. Is any of this going to look good on a resume?

© Randy Glasbergen. All of the cartoons featured on this site are copyrighted material. Any unauthorized usage is prohibited and illegal. | (2000)