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Weight Loss / Dieting / Healthy Eating

Instead of trying another diet, I got a restraining order against the flab fairy.

Don't think of it as a salad. Think of it as crunchy green pizza with carrot pepperoni.

This is a very popular fragrance. It makes you smell thinner!

Let me know when I get healthy, so I can stop eating vegetables.

A bird doesn't need willpower to fly. A flower doesn't need willpower to bloom. If people were meant to lose weight, they wouldn't need willpower!

I didn't let Valentine's Day ruin my diet. I ate the flowers and put the chocolates in a vase.

My goal is to start exercising by the 1st of Someday and lose ten pounds by the day after Eternity.

A hot fudge sundae counts as a salad if you replace the cherry with a crouton.

Bicycling is a great way to lose weight. Swallowing bugs for an hour will spoil your appetite.

Inside me, there's a skinny person screaming to get out. No wait, she's yelling at me to order a pizza!

Our new product has no fat, no cholesterol, no calories, no sugar, no salt and no preservatives. The box is empty, but it has exactly what everyone wants!

I'm incognito. I lost 20 pounds and I don't want it to find me again!

My body is apple-shaped and yours is pear-shaped. How can we be unhealthy if we look like a fresh fruit salad?

If you are not completely satisfied with our amazing weight-loss formula, just return the unused portion of our product and we'll return the unused portion of your money!

The people at work are trying to sabotage my diet. Today my boss made me look at pie charts!

How many times should I push the elevator buttons to equal the same calories as taking the stairs?

A chocolate brownie looks sort of like a giant crouton, so it's almost a salad!

Office Food Pyramid

There was a time when I had to actually EAT the chocolate before it went straight to my hips!

Our low-carb pizza is three pounds of cheese, sausage, meatballs and pepperoni piled high on a Fat Head pizza crust.

I'm so sorry to hear that your diet died. I made a lasagna for the memorial service.

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