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Medical Technology

I recommend hip replacement surgery for older men who aren\'t as hip as they used to be.
I already diagnosed myself on the Internet. I either have three left kidneys, recurring puberty or Dutch Elm disease.
The doctor will be in shortly to type on the computer and update your chart. If he has time, he will ask how you\'re feeling and take a look at your rash.

Good news –– they just developed an artificial heart that runs on cholesterol.
I'm sorry, the computer made an error. You're not influential, you have influenza.
Who picked \'I\'ve Got You Under My Skin\' to be our on-hold music?

I already diagnosed myself on the Internet. I\'m only here for a second opinion.
Our hospital has the very best technology. I'll be using GPS to locate your appendix.
The first human was cloned in 2002. When he found out, he was beside himself.

Can we buy a 3D printer so you and Mom can make a baby?
We can get a discount on our health insurance if we list Google as our primary care physician.
The blood test shows that your media levels are low. Are you watching enough television?

You have a song in your heart. With today\'s digital technology, you can actually fit 10,000 songs in your heart.
They regrew your hair with stem cells?
Your X-ray showed a broken rib, but we fixed it with Photoshop.

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This Week’s Cartoons

If at first you don't succeed, eat something then take a nap. Muffin Jackson set a new world's record today, jumping from the floor to the table to the counter to the top of the refrigerator in just 7.3 seconds. Congratulations, Muffin! I'm looking for a compression program that will help me fit a Rottweiler into a Federal Express envelope. First I whimper, then I show them my big, brown, sad eyes. It works every time. My presentation lacks power and has no point. I assumed the software would take care of that! I've got 8 hours invested in this bad mood and I'm not giving up that easily! I have a big pile of mice and birds saved under the porch. I need to rool them over into an IRA.

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