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Cardiology

You have a song in your heart. We need to operate to replace it with a digitally remastered version.
My doctor told me to walk 5 days a week. The other 2 days, I guess you're supposed to carry me.
If you can finish the entire 60-ounce steak, we\'ll put your name on a special plaque next to the defibrillator.
I hear reggae rhythms, disco drums, thumping hip-hop, toe-tapping western swing and 80\'s techno beats. I think your pacemaker is stuck on \'shuffle\'.
Your heart is filled with the joy of Christmas, so I'm scheduling you for angioplasty after the holidays.
How many times has a girlfriend broken your heart, kicked it to the curb or run it through a meat grinder?
Larry accidentally drank some decaf! Does anyone here know how to use a defibrillator?
I respect that you're a vegetarian, but I can't authorize using an artichoke heart for your transplant.
My bones are getting softer, but my arteries are getting harder, so it balances out!
Gravity has lowered my chest, my stomach and my butt. Why hasn\'t it lowered my cholesterol?!
Doctor, can you prescribe something to stop me from sleepwalking? No, you need the exercise!
First we insert a balloon to open up your artery. Then we add helium and a string and bring you upstairs to cheer up the sick kids.
The good news is, you have the heart of a teenager. The bad news is, most teenagers these days have the heart of an old man.
I must be getting old. I watch reruns of 'Baywatch' because I want to learn how to do CPR.
Your good cholesterol is fine, but your bad cholesterol is plotting to hack into your computer, empty your bank account and steal your wife.
I thought about taking fish oil, but frankly, I've never seen a fish that looks any healthier than I do!
If you\'d like a healthy alternative, we can wrap your cheeseburger, fries and fruit pie in a low-fat tortilla.
What's wrong, Lassie? Is Timmy's cholesterol in trouble?
It's the latest advancement in cardiac pacemakers. It gives you an electric shock when it detects pizza or doughnuts in your bloodstream.
You can enjoy diabetes, high cholesterol and hypertension or you can suffer from good health.
You have a song in your heart, but it would sound so much better on vinyl!

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