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Office Cartoons

I hire Phil because I thought he was a mover and a shaker. Turns out he just had his cellphone on vibrate.
Bring your child to work day has been renamed to one more reason why we never get anything done day.
We're creating a new position to facilitate your special skills and unique contribution to our organization. We're promoting you to Vice President of Office Gossip.
My career is moving into high gear. I'm being ignored by a better class of executive.
If I put my computer into sleep mode for 20 minutes, it's more productive for the rest of the afternoon.
I ran out of time, so I skipped the mumbo-jumbo but kept the gobbledygook.
You don't need a faster computer. You already make mistakes fast enough.
I've penciled you in for a kiss next Thursday at 12:45. Have your secretary get back to me to confirm.
On Casual Friday, we're allowed to say actually and awesome as much as we like. It's actually pretty awesome, actually!
I resent being called lazy. It takes a lot of preparation and planning to convincingly claim credit for someone else's work!
Is there a file compression program that will help me squeeze 12 hours of work into an 8 hour schedule?
I don't mind if you nap at your desk. Your snoring keeps everyone else awake.
Read the fine print. Buying Girl Scout cookies from your boss's daughter IS part of your job description.
Do you sell ego shredders?
I removed part of the graph. Vertical stripes make our profits look thinner.
During tough times, all of us must make sacrifices. To set an example, I am sacrificing 5 minutes of my time to write this memo.
Our office is filled with snakes, weasels, jackasses, sharks, wolves, and catty coworkers. The government says we have to keep a veterinarian of staff.
I need you to hire an interpreter. Someone who can translate my words ito something that sounds ethical.
Smell the roses, but keep working.
I have trouble thinking outside of the cup.
If I had a bigger office, I'd have room for bigger ideas.

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