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Money / Investing

Everyone laughed at me and called me a fool, but I've spent the past 30 years watching my helium stocks go up!
Our low interest rates for savings protects you from becoming an attractive target for identity theft.
Things always get better after they get worse. So it's good to make things worse as quickly as possible.

My roller derby name is 401(k). After my last quarterly statement, it's the scariest thing I could think of.
If I invest my student loan money, will it earn more than I'll make as an unemployed college graduate?
When I lose weight, I always gain it right back. It's the same for losing money, right?

You're not a very courageous investor. With your permission, I'd like to inject stem cells into your back to help you grow a spine.
Trickle down economics...that's when you check your investments and something starts to trickle down your face.
The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People

We've done a thorough analysis of our situation and have come to the only logical conclusion: The universe finds us amusing and keep us around for laughs.
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I reviewed your investments and set you up for early retirement. On your last day of work, you can afford to leave at 4:30 instead of 5:00.

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