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Money / Investing

Investing can be scary. I can provide you with a stunt double for the risky parts.
Which is a smarter financial move, investing in hog futures or loading up the freezer with bacon when it's on sale?
People are afraid of bears and bulls. From now on, our brokerage will use bunnies and kittens.
The bad news is, our investment lost 10 million dollars. The good news is, it was your money not mine.
I located my office in the worst part of the city. It helps me evaluate a clien't risk tolerance.
If you're not willing to buy my house, put my wife through law school, and adopt my kids, then you must not be serious about helping me invest!
According to the latest statistics, an early retirement is any time before death.
This toy company looks like a good investment. Their board of directors includes Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Mother Goose and the Great Pumpkin.
Remember how much fun we had that night we slept under the stars? We may get to spend our whole retirement doing that!
Birds don't have to save for retirement! Bugs don't have to save for retirement! Squirrels don't have to save for retirement! Fish don't have to save for retirement!
If dolphins are just as smart as humans, why aren't we investing in underwater shopping malls and teaching them how to use credit cards?
How much money would I need to go back to kindergarten and start my life over?
Everyone laughed at me and called me a fool, but I've spent the past 30 years watching my helium stocks go up!
Our low interest rates for savings protects you from becoming an attractive target for identity theft.
Things always get better after they get worse. So it's good to make things worse as quickly as possible.
My roller derby name is 401(k). After my last quarterly statement, it's the scariest thing I could think of.
If I invest my student loan money, will it earn more than I'll make as an unemployed college graduate?
When I lose weight, I always gain it right back. It's the same for losing money, right?
You're not a very courageous investor. With your permission, I'd like to inject stem cells into your back to help you grow a spine.
Trickle down economics...that's when you check your investments and something starts to trickle down your face.
The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People

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