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Money / Investing

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People
We've done a thorough analysis of our situation and have come to the only logical conclusion: The universe finds us amusing and keep us around for laughs.
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I reviewed your investments and set you up for early retirement. On your last day of work, you can afford to leave at 4:30 instead of 5:00.
We know how to handle our money. The problem is handling it less often.
When you review your retirement fund then wet your pants and cry -- that's liquidity.

The stock market fell sharply today, then bounced back, spiraled upward, jumped forward, leaped to new heights, tumbled rapidly and took first place in a gymnastics competition.
Bonds are a great investment. I sold a vintage 007 doll on eBay for $900!
Only a total idiot would recommend blue chips. Everybody knows yellow chips taste better with salsa!

If you had taken tomorrow's advice yesterday, you'd be rich today!
Which is a smarter financial move, investing in hog futures or loading up a freezer with bacon when it's on sale?
If you want a comfortable retirement, invest most of your money in stocks, bonds, mutual funds and hemorrhoid cream.

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