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toon-1902
The usual stuff -- a new virus from the Joker, spyware from the Penguin, malicious code from Cat Woman, another phishing scheme from the Riddler.
My fitness watch counts my steps, calories, heart beats, reps and excuses.

The dating service finally found someone who meets all of my qualifications. Unfortunately, God doesn't have time for dating.
Which weather app are you using? Mine is forecasting a plague of locusts and scattered showers of fire and brimstone.
I don't bring my work phone on vacation. If it's an emergency, call my shell.

I guess I should do better with brushing and flossing. My teeth unfriended me on Facebook!
I don't need lightbulbs I can control with my phone. I need children I can control with my phone!
I'm not sure Mom and Dad are qualified to be parents. They're not on Angie's List.

Your new pacemaker comes with Pandora so you can always have a song in your heart.
Opportunity texted me, tweeted me, linked to me, friended me, blogged me and spammed me. I was expecting it to knock!
What cellphone service are you using? It sounds like you're talking under water!

Neat Receipt-Cash General Retail Non-deductible
What did you expect? You met me on Match.com!
I really enjoyed seeing your sonogram, Phil. Do you have a more recent photo you can send me before we meet?

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This Week’s Cartoons

Let's compromise. You do everything I say and I'll say everything you do. I love you so much, it hurts. That's a nice way of saying, you're giving me a headache. Crashing is an expression of hostility against your network administrator. Though you appear to be uncooperative, it's actually a desperate cry for help. My office has initiated a zero-telerance weapons policy. I was fired for having a sharp mind. codo31-1 I hate tofu sandwiches and celery smoothies, but they're the only thing my coworkers won't steal from the break room fridge! I had to quit drinking coffee. It keeps me awake during presentations.

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