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Coffee Break

Neat Document-Randy Glasbergen, P.O. Box 797, Sherburne, N.Y. 13460. Phone: 607-316-4707. E-MAIL: randy@glasbergen.com Technology

I reward my staff with doughnuts because tossing them a fish would be too obvious.

We have 22 different kinds of coffee, 8 types of creamer and 5 different sweeteners. That counts as diversity, doesn't it?

We could hire a productivity expert, but wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a bigger coffee machine?

While you were napping at your desk, we drained all of your blood and replaced it with coffee.

The band sounded great for their age, but I got a contact high sitting next to a guy smoking Metamucil.

Once a week, we make the coffee with chicken soup instead of water. That's our healthcare plan.

We need to put some healthier stuff in the office kitchen. Which foods are good for strengthening brittle egos?

Some people call me a visionary. Actually, I'm just someone who hallucinates from too much coffee.

If you must snack at your desk, try devouring the competition!

Stress management is for wimps!

When petty squabbles break out in the office, call Sharon. She used to run a daycare center.

I accidentally spilled coffee on my computer –– but it's running much faster now!

Goofing off is harder than it looks. After the fourth cup of coffee, it's very difficult not to accomplish something!

I'll be home late. I'm taking a CPR class in case someone makes decaf again.

Before we begin our productivity seminar, did everyone receive a free coffee mug?

You'll have to drink that outside. Someone complained about secondhand steam.

My employer went out of business today. Somebody accidentally made decaf.

There's nothing wrong with being a plain doughnut. Other doughnuts cover themselves with glaze and sprinkles to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

What's my password to download coffee from the cloud?

I never meant to fall in love at the office, but the coffee machine is the only one who really understands my needs!

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