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Assorted Business Topics

The secret for keeping my bright-eyed enthusiasm after 20 years at the same job? LED contact lenses!
Good customer service is rare. When something is rare, it is valuable. When something is valuable, it is expensive. Bad customer service is our way of helping our customers save money!
This office can't function when you're gone. We lost 10 of our biggest clients, 16 people resigned and we filed for bankruptcy while you were in the rest room.

Rule #1: never ask for a raise during hard times. Rule #2: it's always a hard time somewhere.
When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. Since I was the only employee, that means I was the CEO! That would also make me the CFO, CIO, President and Chairman. This is going to be a great resume!
We negotiated my raise on a napkin over lunch. Unfortunately, the last zero turned out to be a gravy spot.

We negotiated my raise on a napkin over lunch. Unfortunately, the last zero turned out to be a gravy spot.
In business school they taught me to wear a power tie. But frankly, I've never been intimidated by a tie.
We need to reach an agreement on the thermostat settings. The cold people have declared war on the hot people!

A cubicle with a periscope is the same as an office with a window...let's not nitpick.
$1500 for a suit? When I said I wanted to dress for success, I meant my success not yours!
We're a family-friendly company. If you're required to work more than 90 hours a week, we'll contribute $1500 toward your divorce.

I don't know how anybody can get any work done around here with all the noise. How can anyone concentrate with people jabbering all day? You'd think people would shup up so others could work. That's the thing that really bugs me, all the unnecessary chatter. People shoulb be more considerate...
The best way to boost the econoomy is to lower taxes. The best way to lower your taxes is to reduce your income. Paying you less is my patriotic duty!
During the off-season Santa helps company managers with their performance reviews.

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