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Cardiology

The insurance company will pay for my transplant, but only if the doctor uses an artichoke heart.
My cholesterol pills are easier to swallow when I sautée them in butter.
I'll have some heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes with a side of clogged arteries and tooth decay.

Eating salmon every day is good for your cardiovascular system...especially if you get the urge to swim upstream.
Every morning I think about going for a long walk. At least my brain is getting some exercise!
Aspirin is good for your heart. If you dissolve it on your tongue, it ruins the taste of pizza.

You have a song in your heart. We need to operate to replace it with a digitally remastered version.
My doctor told me to walk 5 days a week. The other 2 days, I guess you're supposed to carry me.
If you can finish the entire 60-ounce steak, we\'ll put your name on a special plaque next to the defibrillator.

I hear reggae rhythms, disco drums, thumping hip-hop, toe-tapping western swing and 80\'s techno beats. I think your pacemaker is stuck on \'shuffle\'.
Your heart is filled with the joy of Christmas, so I\'m scheduling you for angioplasty after the holidays.
How many times has a girlfriend broken your heart, kicked it to the curb or run it through a meat grinder?

Larry accidentally drank some decaf! Does anyone here know how to use a defibrillator?
I respect that you\'re a vegetarian, but I can\'t authorize using an artichoke heart for your transplant.
My bones are getting softer, but my arteries are getting harder, so it balances out!

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This Week’s Cartoons

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