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Cardiology

It's easy to tell the difference between good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. Bad cholesterol has an evil laugh.
I got a speeding ticket on my way to work. I was driving under the influence of bran.
Cholesterol is good for you. It blocks your arteries, making it more difficult for germs and viruses to reach your vital organs.

For lunch I had a bottle of root beer, a bag of potato chips and two candy bars. Giving up red meat is easier than I thought!
When the experts determine that high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes are actually good for you, you're going to feel awfully foolish!
I ran a distance of 15 blocks today. They were Lego blocks, but it's a start!

The high-carb diet I put you on 20 years ago gave you diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. Oops.
We found a bunch of these clogging your arteries. They're cholesterol pills.
I'm recommending quadruple bypass surgery. Your insurance company is recommending you take an aspirin every day with your cheeseburgers and pizza.

After gobbling everything in sight for 30 years, Pac-Man has been diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease.
A vegetarian diet is good for your heart. I've never had a rabbit come to me with chest pains.
Keep Christmas in your heart all year long. It will leave less room for cholesterol.

You have a song in your heart. With today's digital technology, you can actually fit 10,000 songs in your heart.
Yes, garlic and herbs can improve your cholesterol...but not garlic and herb potato chips.
Did you switch to electronic cigarettes? Your lungs have turned blue and they glow in the dark.

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This Week’s Cartoons

What software would you recommond to give my presentation so much flash and sizzle that nobody notices that I have nothing to say? If at first you don't succeed, eat something then take a nap. Muffin Jackson set a new world's record today, jumping from the floor to the table to the counter to the top of the refrigerator in just 7.3 seconds. Congratulations, Muffin! I'm looking for a compression program that will help me fit a Rottweiler into a Federal Express envelope. First I whimper, then I show them my big, brown, sad eyes. It works every time. My presentation lacks power and has no point. I assumed the software would take care of that! I've got 8 hours invested in this bad mood and I'm not giving up that easily!

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