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Cardiology

Neat Document-Randy Glasbergen, P.O. Box 797, Sherburne, N.Y. 13460. Phone: 607-316-4707. E-MAIL: randy@glasbergen.COm Entertainment
There's a thin person inside me screaming to get out. No, wait –– he's yelling for me to order a pizza!
Neat Document-Randy Glasbergen, P.O. Box 797, Sherburne, N.Y. 13460. Phone: 607-316-4707. E-MAIL: randy@glasbergen.com Entertainment

The good news is, you have a heart. The bad news is, it's filled with assorted chocolates.
Two hours in our waiting room with a bunch of coughing people and screaming children. That was your stress test.
You have a bleeding heart. Subscribe to National Review and start watching Fox News.

You told me to eat 5 fruits and vegetables every day. Today I had 3 raisins and 2 peas.
The good news, it's OK to eat butter after all. The bad news, it's not OK to eat any of the things you like to put butter on.
Bicycling is a great way to lose weight. Swallowing bugs for an hour will spoil your appetite.

Bicycling is a great way to lose weight. Swallowing bugs for an hour will spoil your appetite.
The Mediterranean Diet is supposed to be very healthy. Can you write me a prescription for a vacation in Greece?
My hamster ran on his wheel every day and died when he was 6 months old. Explain to me again how cardio is going to help me live longer.

Heads, fat is bad and carbs are good. Tails, fat is good and carbs are bad.
If we quit smoking, our risk of heart attack will go down 30 percent. But if we quit 5 times, our risk will go down 150 percent!
Olive oil is good for your new heart, so is fish oil. And you can still enjoy an occasional motor oil Martini.

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This Week’s Cartoons

I never really jumped over the moon. I hopped over a big stone and then my publicist took over. What software would you recommond to give my presentation so much flash and sizzle that nobody notices that I have nothing to say? If at first you don't succeed, eat something then take a nap. Muffin Jackson set a new world's record today, jumping from the floor to the table to the counter to the top of the refrigerator in just 7.3 seconds. Congratulations, Muffin! I'm looking for a compression program that will help me fit a Rottweiler into a Federal Express envelope. First I whimper, then I show them my big, brown, sad eyes. It works every time. My presentation lacks power and has no point. I assumed the software would take care of that!

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