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Money / Investing

Of course I give money to those who are less fortunate than me! My limo driver is less fortunate than me, the crew of my yacht is less fortunate than me, my private jet pilot is less than fortunate than me, my personal chef is less fortunate than me....
We can afford to get married soon. I'm almost halfway done with my student loan payments!
The bad news is, the market threw a wrench into your retirement plans. The good news is, you can probably sell the wrench for $10 on eBay!

You found a dime on the sidewalk and didn't invest it. Does this mean you've changed your mind about retiring someday?
We need an immediate influx of cash to keep our company in business. How quickly can you organize a bake sale?
Explain to me again why enjoying life when I retire is more important than enjoying life now.

According to my itemized cost analysis and fiduciary forecast, if expenditures continue to outpace earnings, insolvency is a foregone conclusion. My advice is, sell the cats.
If you're going to put all of your eggs in one basket, I recommend you also invest in chickens, baskets and maybe bacon.
toon-3510

Our investors lack confidence. My fern died and our stock fell 27 points.
Sometimes the best investments are the ones you don't make. Let's go with that strategy and see where it takes us.
Papa Bear's investments were too risky. Mama Bear's investments were too safe. But Baby Bear's investments were juuuuuuuust right!

Diversification is important. The more investments you have, the longer it takes to figure out how much you've lost.
No, you haven't made buckets of money yet. Your initial investment was used to purchase buckets.
If you follow my rules, you will never lose money. Rule #1: Never lose money.

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