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Leadership, Management

I reward my staff with doughnuts because tossing them a fish would be too obvious.
Are you part of the problem, part of the solution, part of the problem with the solution or part of the solution to the problem with the solution?
Every time you do something right, I will punch your rewards card. When you reach 10,000 punches, you earn a high five.

You were my imaginary friend and we had some great times. But I haven't heard from you since I was five years old and now you show up and expect me to give you a job?
We could hire a productivity expert, but wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a bigger coffee machine?
There is always room for improvement. It's a small room with no windows or distractions. We already moved your things.

MEMO: It has come to my attention that every time we solve one problem, we create two more. From now on, all problem solving is forbidden.
It has come to my attention that the building is on fire. Let's set up a meeting for next week to decide what sort of action we might take to deal with this crisis.
I fired a computer today. Damn, that felt good!

I'd like to give you a raise and promotion, but that wouldn't be fair to others who don't stay late or work as hard as you.
Each serving of Leadership Crunch cereal contains 12 grams of confidence, 9 grams of wisdom, 17 grams of patience, 11 grams of inspiration, 22 grams of motivation and 2 grams of sugar.
Essentials of Risk Management: 1. Don't do anything wrong today. 2. Don't do anything wrong tomorrow. 3. Repeat.

Sometimes, very late at night, when the world is quiet and still, I like to close my eyes and listen to the sound of people not criticizing me.
I can't believe my boss is such an idiot. I thought he was brilliant when he hired me!
Our goal is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral and age neutral, while celebrating our spirt of diversity.

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